Showing Affection

It occurred to me recently that most adults I know and work with have kept the same affection-accepting or affection-giving style they learned as a child. Other factors, such as being sexually molested, definitely plays a part too. Being able to accept and give physical affection is a gift. Unfortunately, I know many adults who are not comfortable with any physical affection. Many times you'll hear people describe someone as "cold." I think this usually means they don't show or give physical affection. This is especially problematic in romantic relationships when one partner is very physically affectionate and the other is not. You may hear certain people described as having a "warm" personality. Those are the people who are comfortable with appropriate touching, such as a touch on the shoulder to show support to someone who is grieving. Children most definitely need appropriate and safe physical affection. This enhances their attachment to their caregivers and ultimately, enhances their self-esteem. They learn whatever style they adopt from their families. Of course, physical affection is culturally bound. Generally in the US we are not as comfortable with high levels of physical affection between adults, especially in public. Children often see inappropriate touching while playing video games, watching movies or watching popular television shows. I encourage parents to supervise what kids are doing and to talk to them about topics such as appropriate physical touch. There is so much information out there about child sexual abuse that I fear we've become fearful of touching anyone. Teach your children who can touch them and how. The best thing you can do is role model appropriate physical affection in your home. If you have a problem with giving physical affection, start slow. No need to jump right in and give hugs right away- just a gentle touch or high five.